I’m staring at the pretty girl in my office. I wonder what she does at that company (I’m in a co-working space called The Riveter so everyone here runs different businesses). I’ve never talked to her before. I know her style is bizarre, totally doesn’t match what I’d expect from someone with her face. Kinda captivating. I wonder if she’s a gamer and does something really nerdy and thus extra sexy after work. Please don’t be a basic bitch. I feel a little envious of girl gamers. I long for the chillness, intensity and way they’re navigating a guy’s world. Hot. Especially when they look like her. Should I start playing video games when I get home? I’ve tried before. Maybe I could get into it. It looks fun. Especially if I can play online and hang with friends virtually. That might save me from the solitary lonely evenings after evenings I’ve got going on right now.
What happened to my social life? I used to be at parties every week, Friday plans booked, weekends with the crew crossing the state for camping trips and festivals, dates in the city, friends laughing on the bed till our stomachs hurt, girl vs guy bullshitting in the kitchen over who makes better guacamole. Where did everybody go?
Just when I start to think something is wrong I remember. I’m making an album. I’ve become a musical hermit. I’m not at the club tonight because I’m in the studio. I’m not getting down to the beats because I’m making them from scratch. I’m not laughing on the bed with my friends because I’m laughing at the silly sounds I’m distorting in my headphones. I could invite friends to hang or create with me in the studio but no thank you. I like the deep focus when I’m alone. I get way more done. I feel more free to experiment.
Nothing lasts forever, right? Once this album busts onto the scene, I’ll be with friends again. Or will I. Is this part of the ebb and flow of an artist’s life? I heard someone on And The Writer Is say that they have to go out and live before they can sit down and write songs. You gotta go do cool, scary, interesting shit, see what’s happening out there in the world, blend your molecules with the world and feel the ideas spark, the feelings hurt, the impatience to get back to the studio, the itch. “Fill up the well”, as Julia Cameron calls it in The Artists Way. We go through phases. Lots of friends then just me in the mirror. Lots of writing, then empty pages. Lots of running around, then my butt getting sore in a chair.
— Here’s a little audio message “Good vs Bad Isolation” I just recorded for you to ‘bring this blog post to life’ with my voice. Do you like this? Should I include more audio messages with future blog posts? There’s a comments section at the bottom of this post where you can leave your thoughts. ;)
Obviously, we can’t neglect people and expect them to be there for us on demand but with the right communication, we can include our friends in our artist isolation. We can update them how we’re doing, send them little sneak peeks of what we’ve created, invite them over for a cup of tea (even though we’re in the mood to make music) and have a face to face conversation and listen to their problems for an hour. Maybe your deep artist wisdom will be exactly what they need to hear right now. Give a little bit and then run back into the cave. Most importantly, send them messages of gratitude. Let them know how much you appreciate their support of your art, how much they help you, how thankful you are that they are such big fans and how excited you are to share what you’ve been working on so you can celebrate together at this end of this mammoth project. They are not neglected. They are your home, social foundation that gives you the strength to take this leap of faith and be fucking magical.
ALSO, I want to emphasize the vital importance of keeping one finger in the social life pie while all other nine fingers are busy playing guitar strings. I have created a habit that really helps ensure I don’t disappear off the social map completely. I have one day per week when I schedule coffee dates, invite a friend over, or visit a friend at their studio. Usually it’s a Wednesday or Thursday — right in the middle of the week when I can use a change of scenery and I’ve got some work momentum that will get me out the door. I intentionally choose people who fuel me, people who are also doing cool shit I want to hear about, people who inspire me and help me find exciting solutions to my big fucking problems and people who make me laugh. Social time is limited so I’m choose carefully what kind of human energy I’m consuming. It matters. You know that “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with?” stuff everyone talks about? This season, I put it to the test. I wrote down everyone I know in my life and I picked out five people that most closely aligned with the direction I’m heading in right now. I make an intentional effort (aka scheduling it on the calendar to make sure it happens) to interact with them, ideally in person, each week. Even if I’m not ‘in the mood’ for the social hour, even if I feel like a depressing messy version of myself, I hold these appointments because they are the breaths of air. I’ve been diving deep in the magical mystery and these social appointments are my few moments of coming up to the surface. Breath it in. Go back down. Make sure this air you’re breathing is highest quality, invigorating!
Here’s a photo of me and by music buddy, Spence Hood. We met up last week for coffee and our quarterly check in. He’s the only person I socialized with (outside of my roommates) last week. How’s your music business going? Still dreaming big? What books have you read? Who have you met this month? When’s your next show? How you going to surprise the world? This week, I’m socializing with Elizabeth Anne Cunningham and A. O. Hamer — both women with power energy I’m exciting to soak in this afternoon. That’s it. Then back in the studio for days of focus. Till next week.
Dearest friend,
I am going on an epic adventure. You are going to lose your shit when you hear what I’ve done. I feel afraid sometimes and I’m feeling very challenged but I often repeat your encouraging words in my head, and they give me the strength to continue and level up. I’m not exactly sure how long this is going to take but when I get home, I can’t wait to hear all about what you’ve been up to and we can celebrate how awesome we both are.
Fuck yes. You’re the best. Life is rad. Sending you love from the wilderness.
CHA🍍WILDE
PS: If we are friends and you read this and something doesn’t feel right, text me. Let’s talk about it. ;)