I’m feeling ‘called’ into writing more. I’m learning through experience that the feeling of a ‘calling’ is an easy decision. It’s the action that feels so natural and peaceful within. It’s what I want to do with all my available energy. It might not make any sense to me logically or fit with my plans but it’s a deep feeling of ‘this feels good’. By comparison, other activities, other pathways I try to walk down feel shaky, full of analysis and doubt. When I’m doing whatever I feel called to do, I’m usually not thinking about anything else. By taking action in the direction of the call, it’s like water flowing down a pipe with gravity. It just goes and it’s beautiful. Lately, I’ve been feeling like writing. All day long, I just want to write in my journal or write on my blog. I start questioning if I should be writing articles to submit to magazines and other media sources. I can use their audience to build my own. Marketing thoughts take over my mind. I slap my hand away from writing and point myself to the piano or Ableton — “Go make music!” Stop getting distracted. Stop taking the easy way out. You’re full of creativity and instead of channeling that creative energy into music and becoming a master genius of the sound craft, you’re going to widdle away your energy on simply little pleasures like writing stories and dairying your feelings. Procrastination! screams the watch dog in my mind. I daydream about compiling quotes from my many years of journals. Perhaps I could make my own “Meditations” book(s)… just like Marcus Auralius. Surely, I’m just as wise and gifted with words. I can publish my writings on Kindle, feel official, and maybe even make some money. A couple hundred dollars a month from Kindle sales would be appreciated passive income. But no. There’s a roadblock there too. And then I feel this little tension in my chest…Songwriting. SONG = music and WRITING = writing. I’m totally staying on course and focused on music when I’m writing because I’m a songwriter. I play many different musical instruments and I write in many different forms.
I repeat this quote often in my mind — “I’d rather do something that’s an inch wide and a mile deep than something that’s a mile wide and an inch deep”. I’m so full of creative energy and I can spread it out in all directions and at the end of the day feel exhausted and unfulfilled. What do I have to show for it? When I control my mind and focus like a laser beam on one project, I see it through to the end and feel the delight and satisfaction of completion. It’s more challenging work and brings me more peace and fulfillment. So when I feel this pull to write, write, write I have two options.
Option A) I can freak out and be full of fear; afraid that I’m going off course. Afraid that I’m losing focus on music. I can pressure myself to focus harder on music even though it feels so stiff and forced in my body sometimes. I can put on the stiff blinders and slap my hand if my eyes look at any other passions or possible paths. Writing isn’t music so you can’t do it! Stay focused!”
Option B) Trust. Do I trust my own inner compass? If I believe in myself to know the way through intuition, to make decisions based on what feels good in my body, then why am I fighting? What if… is the beautiful question. What if writing is a critical part of my music journey? What if the reason I feel so called to write in this moment is because I’m on the brink of expressing the most beautiful powerful lyrics of my life. I could be on the verge of a songwriting lyrical masterpiece! Instead of blocking myself off from writing, what if I following the call in that direction and cleverly identified HOW it ties in. I’m assuming the only way to “make music” is sitting at the piano. What if I acknowledge the beauty of each phase of the entire songwriting process? Right now, I’m entering into a deep writing phase and once the new lyrics arrive on my paper I will happily, easily step up to the instruments and bring them to life!
So I’m reading through my old journals with a highlighter. My first thought was to type up these writings and publish them as a book of poetry and musings. What if we go deeper with it? What if the first step was writing in my journal, the second step is highlighting my favorite parts, the third step is converting these parts into poetry and lyrics? The journals are the fertile ground, the pages are fields of words I can harvest. We don’t need to eat the harvested food so raw. I feel enthusiasm bubbling in my belly as I write this blog post, realizing that my next album is going to have incredible lyrics and this ‘highlighting old journals’ technique is the next stepping stone. What if is the simple phrase that turns my mindset from painful stressful contraction into open expanding possibilities. I can follow my calling into writing right now because it is part of my greater calling to make music. Of course, everything fits together like this. Life is just layers inside layers of stories weaving together. And the blog posts are helpful too because they help me feel ‘in flow’ with words. I’m letting all the words flow out of me freely right now so I’m so comfortable with them. This reminds me of practicing piano every single day. When I play SO MUCH, it’s so easy to do. So if I’m entering into this writing phase then I must write SO MUCH if we’re going to uncover those golden lyrics!
LOVE, CHA🍍WILDE